hazim and his tok we

today we faced another june passing with the demise of my beloved uncle in KT. whats so sad is that we just saw him a mere week ago. Things were already looking bad at that time and he was warded for 4 days before he left us due to kidney failure. another family member left in june. now it seems june brings a sad theme to us all cos we have never fully recovered by the loss of opah and atuk. ajim will remember his tok we as the old man who kept saying makan .. makan .. makan .. his way of urging hazim to eat cos the boy just wanna keep running in tok we's spacious living room and go round and round. what i'll remember most during our visit was when he cut a pear into small slices for hazim to at least have something to bite cos seemingly his mom cudnt care less (was seriously waiting to head to pasar payang). Hazim never got the attention and affection from his tok nyang cos he passed away when he was still a baby and i guessed in his own way, he kinda liked having tok we around. Poor ayah .. another brother but ayah said it was hikmah ( a blessing) when the car broke down in KT cos we gotta spend our last moments with ayah we before he left us .. Al Fatihah for arwah Hj Alias bin Khalid. You'll always be in our prayers and our memory as the kind uncle who always cared.

so i guess that was the sad closure to last week of my most valued break. i'll be going back to school next mon for series of workshops and plethora of classes. i do not feel guilty at all for not dealing with my homework and portfolios cos i really enjoyed the 3 week break i so deserved. I frolicked wonderfully at pulau kapas with papa, ajim and the clan, I spent a week just reading books of authors whom i've yet to catch up with, I watched the movies that mattered, I spent upmost quality time with my baby and watched 3 weeks of cheekiness, mischief and intelligence , I shopped til i dropped and ate and ate and ate and i lounged and lazed like a full cat. what bliss to have such holidays to revive your body, mind and soul. Now .. back to reality

* so amazed with hazim's ability to know the advert jingles and some top 10 songs. That he really got from me. but at that age .. wow.. my son!

hazim and his mom's break

*snatched this from kawai's mail

BEFORE I WAS A MOM:
Author Unknown

Before I was a Mom

I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing.

I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom,I slept as late as I wanted

And never worried about how late I got into bed

.I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom

I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mom

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom

I had never been puked on

Pooped on

Spit on

Chewed on

Peed on

Or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a Mom

I had complete control of

:My thoughts

My body

And my mind.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom

I never held down a screaming child

So that doctors could do tests

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep

Before I was a Mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

When I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small

Could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small

Could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay

I had never known the warmth

The joy

The love

The heartache

The wonder

Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

LiFe Is FuLL oF UpS AnD dOwNs...
BuT We StiLL HaVe To LiVe To ThE FuLLeSt...
No LoOKiNg BaCk... having hazim was the best thing that happened to me ..

so i'm on my 3 weeks holiday and boy it is bliss when there are no homework, no runs to the xerox centre and of course no waking up early in the morn. Plus i just got my soundtrack of life, my compilation of of songs that brought meaning to me so theres nothing more heavenly than lounging at home with the cd playing and spending time with hazim, going back to watching him grow (esp. his vocab), things i have missed the past 4 months. too bad papa hasta work.

will be heading to pulao kapas this monday, hazim's first ever island experience. can hardly wait ..