There is a death in the opposite house

I really really need to cut his fringe. Too long already and might reach his eyes sooner than I'll know.

I was blog surfing just now and read most of the regular ones of ppl i hardly know in life. anyway, today's readings proved to me the lyrics

'aku percaya tiada yg sia sia

semuakan ada hikmahnya' taken from the series 'hikmah'.

A stranger lost her mother to a car accident. She wrote previously how excited she is of her parents comin to town. Imagine how things turned overnight for her. How her world has tumbled upside down. Her husband was supposed to leave for overseas b4 but the trip got postphoned. Imagined if he went accordingly as these things happened. LEaving her alone with no one to lean on. Allah has his ways. I was at lost of words as I read her blog. I hardly knew her but I feel for her. I cannot even imagine how it would be like in her shoes. Geez.

Emak lost her mother recently. Its been 20 months already but Emak still cries when she talks of Opah. Still regrets of things that have happened and the ones that did not happen. We expected Opah to leave us because she was in coma for a week but we were never ready. For 48 years OPah has been with Emak and her loss left a deep impact in everbody's life but no matter how strong Emak is, she's still in pain of Opah's passing.

I sometimes scold my sisters and brother because of their disrespect of Emak. How they feel EMak scolds them too much and leave them with little freedom. How Emak loves another more and not them. How they procrastinate when Emak urges them to do some chores. How unfair Emak is and whatnot. They just dunt know how lucky they are. Emak is alive and loves them more than anything. I know this cos I have a child. Parents would die for their children. Their own flesh and blood. All the strictness and unfairness is because of love and worry. Every single minute I'm worried of my son. Whatabout 4 girls and a boy?

I love Emak more after my pregnancy, delivering hazim and now that mak is sacrificing her time and energy to look after boisterous hazim. I cannot imagine life without her. Im really sorry of giving her strife, rudeness and worry during my teen years. If I was as I am today back then ..

On a lighter note, hazim is more like a 4 year old boy than his 16 months of age. He hardly stays still and imitates everything ppl say or do down to sneezing and coughing too. After a hard day's work, returning to his cheekiness and mischieves, all super energy returns. I regret leaving him behind but he has turned more independant and less detached to me.

Its sad but I hafta leave it that way in order to get this. I hafta work harder than the others just to prove that mothers can do this crash course too. MOthers who have dependants and do not stay in the hostel can make it. I can do it! Despite lack of time n energy, so far I work more effeciently. You just hafta work smart and know to prioritize.

Just one thing that pisses me off. PPl who are lazy. Thay are lazy to do their work and expect ME to hand them what I have done. Also those who are stingy of their money and expect to xerox all my new books. no way! I'm not saying I'm better but just that I dunt depend on ppl too much. Thats why whether in school, Uni and now here, I have less friends. But nevertheless, I'm happy. Papa and Ajim are enough friends for me. Thankful to have ain as my tuition teacher too. She has helped abundantly.

I missed the grammys the other day. didnt have the strength to stay awake that long. damn though.

ciaO

10 things I miss about you ..

this 9 day holiday made me realize so many things I have missed due to goin back to school.

1. Of course my darling baby boy hazim who looks just as bulat as the thing next to him in the pic. I miss his antics, his active self, his cheekiness and much more.

2. Callin papa at work. I barely have time to stretch my legs let alone to type an sms during classes. Papa has issued a complaint and eversince, I squeeze one or two in between breaths. hehe.

3. Reading fiction. I so miss my chick lits, suspense drama, cop stories and victorian romance. all i have time is education, psychology, pedagogy, philosophy and other stuff my snail mind is catching up with ..

4. My daytime tV. oprah, judging amy, reruns of previous nites' series ..

5. Thinkin of what to eat for bfast, lunch, tea, dinner and supper. Moms cooking too. How can we love the same cooking for years of our lives but cannot stand cafeteria's food after a week?

6. My siestas of course. anytime anywhere.

7. Keeping abreast of things and news at home. I barely have time for my baby then doin chores, to read or talk to others.

8. The late nite chats with the girls and sometimes aiman. I only get to know abridged version of events or stories.

9. I miss reading my 2 daily newspapers and doin my much addicted soduku that i can never get enuff of, I see numbers in my dreams.

10. I miss hazim all over again.

I feel so out of date sometimes. Howeva,I'm so lucky to notice that I'm missin all these stuff that I get to do or be with it these last days. really enjoyed it and I'm practically dragging my feet and heart back to school. malasnya rasaaaaa ..

can't wait for march. I'm so lucky that I'm in a job that has 90 days for annual leave. woohoo. no matter what ppl say or think, Im all for it!