colourful world of hazim

hazim and his toys obsession

2007-02-21T15:01:00.000+08:00

lightning mcqueen in 3 shapes and sizes
mater sr and mater jr

this is how much hazim love cars as i have wrote about before. the minute he comes home after he is away, he'll play straightaway with em. Though i must say i encourage his obsession by buying them for him. every related stuff with cars in many shapes and sizes is a must have for hazim, i buy what i can. There are plastic, metal and cloth made toys.

its fun seein him enjoy playing and the basketful of toys means lil compared to his CARS toys. He'll reenact the movie and adds his own script sometimes. PPl do say that the brain develops when kids play. and he did get his many vocab from the movie.
'hey lightnin, are you ready? oh yeah!'
whatever for u my son..

hazim and the chinese new year

2007-02-21T14:38:00.000+08:00

clear blue skies ahead
our house during the stay
alas, we have arrived
one big happy family

what were we up to during the CNY 2007 hols? we were away to the inner parts of Pahang where we visited a palm oil estate owned by a prominent man in the cabinet. it was really fun, refreshing and informative .. jauh perjalanan luas permandangan. The whole ariff clan went sans hazim's uncle man cos he had exams. i must say it was worth the journey (man .. it was far) but a new experience for everybody. tho i'm not sure if most of us want to go back.

hazim said the hol was best but no way he's gonna stay there .. (in his words tho)

the city ppl forgot abt the availability of fast food joints or mamak haunts for one nite cos the kg food was superb. I could sit and eat forever. Loved the tiger prawns, nasi lemak, nasi ayam and so much more. Poor papa cos he had an allergy attack during the night becos of the prawns. Shian papa.

It was good to get together as we seldom do and it was fun to get away from the city. I bet opah and atok would be happy seein us still closeknit as ever ..

let the picchas tell the story but more are uploaded @ hazimhafiz fotopages.

hazim was happy with all the attention and that definitely made ME happy. so our CNY break was complete.

hazim and his cape

2007-02-05T02:01:00.000+08:00

Superman returns agaiN

Are u scared?

I will never forget yesterday.

It was the day I lost my heartbeat for nearly 3 minutes.

I never thought ever that it'll happen to me.

I lost my baby.

In te*co kajang.

How we always take things for granted.

I'm sorry dear for my lack of care and attention.

Alhamdulillah we found him and we do midnite shopping so there's no crowd.

Never again. I hope.

On a lighter note, nana n om is back.

Never had I realised that I missed them so.

Now the world is complete again.

Goin back to my mushroom swiss now.

hazim and 2007 so far

2007-01-31T00:52:00.000+08:00

fireman?
or doctor?

2007 so far has been a slow year with me still waiting which school i'll be placed. However, that'll mean the extra time i get with hazim. Who can resist another extra month break to be with him everyday .. So the things so see him emulate as he grows each day are basically my influence .. More mama also means more talking, more learning and more over indulged .. At least I'm proud with the pace of his growth .. Quite a chatterbox our son has become and his vocab overwhelms and surprises us each day ..

Just the other day, he asked tokki to sing smack that .. imagine that .. and if ppl were to ask .. opah is out tgk wayang when actually at the surau for her classes .. sabar jelah ..

Maybe once nana n om are back hajj , it'll go chaotic again.

dont have much else to tell cos i'm again having my eczema attack so excuse me i hafta go scratch myself against Dr's order ..

as of today:

listening to JT's Futuresex / Lovesounds Cd especially what goes around .. man i love the beats n i know he's gonna make it big at the grammys

reading julie garwood's slow book .. anticipating for the release of shopaholic n baby

watching f.r.i.e.n.d.s reruns sold cheap at carrefour .. i'll never get enough of them.

kill me cos i'm also watching BPBM as it ends the day after 2mrw .. I'm so the housewife i dont wanna be ..

one last note .. who the toot is singin the malay rendition of all cried out? u ruined one of my fav song .. urgh ..

changes are inevitable .. resistence is futile yet why can't i seem to take the step forward? Am i too complacent in my position?

hazim and december changes

2006-12-19T00:54:00.000+08:00

Always the centre of attention

Girls plus pakchu kat tepi just wanna have fun

*warning: I'm in a sappy mood so this entry is gonna be long

These picchas were taken at nana's goin to hajj partay. (Tho I wont consider wearin baju kurung as party wear) As always we have such fun when all of us get 2gether and piccha takin is a MUST. U never know when u need to look back and appreciate the happy memories that u have gone thru some time in ur life plus family always drifts apart sooner or later, these treasures will take u back to the lost happy days. How sappy but december just makes me feel sad. Its the last month of the year and new year will bring big changes in our lives that it just makes me melancholic. How I wish 2006 will go on n go on .. I enjoyed it so much that its so hard to let go .. I just dread 2007.

May ajim's nana, tokchu and om gets the hajj mabrur and comes back safe n sound.

Lets leave the blues for awhile and update on hazim ..

Gosh .. what can I say .. the past week has really been both fun and testing for me .. He swipes opah's baju out of her closet just to pretend that its mack-his trailer.. (still crazy about CARs) so everyday, Opah hasta refold her clothes but since its hazim's doing, sabar jelah. I wonder until when her patience will stand.

hazim's most overused phrase must be 'tak nak kawan' this past week and he says it million times a day .. imagine our typical discourse:

mama: ajim jom mandi

ajim: tak nak kawan!

mama: ajim makan nak?

ajim: tak nak kawan!

mama: ajim jom pergi warta, mama nak pergi mcDs

ajim: jom.nak mcdunald, tak nak kawan!

I wish i can erase it from him but sometimes it does get hilarious. Another phrase he just picked up is panashla from a shampoo ad featuring hindustani actors. When its freezing in our room, its still panashla. Funny how kids pick up stuff they quite dunno the meaning but they learn as they go. Tho his speech is still gibberish at times, I love talking to him and this hols has been more meaningful seeing him growing up so fast.

So I left the place of good memories for me for good last early dec. I didnt get to say goodby officially but will do during convo. Again I leave the small college that brought such happy memories and the good friends I made along the way. . Funny how I looked back at the pics during matrix in 96, my english class taken by the stairs, how young and innocent(hah!) I was, wearing shoes I loved having worn it most of the year and having so much fun entering adulthood. Then comparing it with IPBA 2006, the same place, different ppl and I still have fun and still loving shoes and still with good friends. Will I be goin back in another decade? How I wish. That place will always have a special place in my heart and the happy memories will I keep with me. i remain sanguine tho myopic at times.

I wish I can still wake up and jump in papa's car and head for that place, bein late as usual, then up the spiral- breathtaking-asthmatic neverending stairs into our class, admire the clothes and again shoes then head out to pak langs for munchies then pretend to listen attentively to lectures then pic snapping-gossip mongering and then head back after lunch again talkin and talking til papa picks me up at the end of the day. Perhaps .. perhaps .. but naah.. hafta move on n see where fate takes me .. whether down south(God forbid) or staying put here as I have always made sure of .. we'll just wait and see

to u girls (u know who u are)

Listen little child

There will come a day

When you will be able, able to say

Never mind the pain, all the aggravation

You know there's a better way

For you and me to be

Look for the rainbow in every storm

Fly like an angel heaven sent to me

Goodbye my friend(i know you're gone, you said you're gone but i can still feel youHere)

It's not the end(you gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear)

So glad we made it, time will never change it, no no

Just a little girl, big imagination

Never letting no one take it away

Went into the world, what a revelation

She found there's a better way for you and me to be

Look for the rainbow in every storm

Find out for certain love's gonna be there for you

You'll always be someone's baby

Goodbye my friend(i know you're gone, you said you're gone but i can still feel youHere)

It's not the end(you gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear)

*suddenly felt like a spice girl :)

to sarah n dinah, I know u girls sometimes check out hazim's progress in here and just wanna tell u that I heard about what went on in ur lives. remember that ur family esp this big sis of urs will always be there for u no matter what. u know the song by mariah-thru the rain-? I heard it just today n thot of u girls. "I can make it through the rain..I can stand up once again..On my own and I know..That I'm strong enough to mend..And every time I feel afraid..I hold tighter to my faith..And I live one more day..And I make it through the rain..

Just hang out tite k n pray that Allah gives u the strength, serenity and patience to let go of what love most and prepare for the good things that u have yet to endeavour and experience. I know my trials and tribulations are ahead of me but our family love is strong and I'm not alone. God.. how we miss opah n atuk so much kan?

peace out til next time

p/s: ain bought cosmo n I just bought galaxie, what does that mean.. anybody? times like these, i just gotta love paris'-nothing in this world.

hazim and his emancipation

2006-12-15T18:19:00.000+08:00

hazim now has his balls all tucked good in its place .. for those who didnt know the situation b4, lets just say that it was elsewhere.

anyways eversince, he's more active that usual and much more talkative. guess he's overexcited that mom's around. just a bit handful but i'm learning to control him by the day and now i salute opah for doin a good job this pass year. i'll be takin over the rein pretty soon and kinda anticipating it to turn out with flyin colours.

moms news: not getting the charmed life i've been havin b4 after all. i just got news of my placement and i'll most probably be heading south after this. kinda bummed cos most of the others got their hometown but thats their rezeki .. and i'll dont know whats ahead of me. we never see the silver lining that Allah has planned for us till the eleventh hour so another anticipation and great expectations comin ahead. just worried about papa tho. if my appeal (cam court case plak) turns sour .. i hafta pack up everything and head down south laa plak .. dem. at least i know pit's there .. urgh .. dunt wanna think about it for the mo.

fav song of the hour my chemical romance .. the black parade .. cos ajim can belt it out .. dead surprised when he sang it in the car one day.

To carry on

We'll carry on

Though you're dead and gone believe me

Your memory will carry on

We'll carry on

And though you're broken and defeated

reading jane green's life swap .. cannot put it down .. i wonder if i get the same chance , who will i swap my life with .. most unlikely i will .. i've experienced almost everything ..

cinta was great .. felt said bout the teacher part .. it feels so good 2b a teacher .. ain n me was really proud but wonder if ppl will treat us well like that when we grow old .. ain maybe .. but me??

peace out!

hazim and his eid

2006-11-14T22:28:00.000+08:00

i think i can fit into the camera ..

i must admit that i'm being a tad overwhelmed with hazim lately. my .. my .. the older he gets, the more testing he is .. i guess I'm finally seeing the downside of me working compared to my domestic manager days .. he is less attached to me and when I'm home .. he seeks attention by throwing tantrums or behaving unbecomingly .. despite so .. after his naughty acts, he'll be begging for forgiveness speedily and turn back to bein my angel .. ajim .. ajim .. how its hard for mama to stick to her principles around u .. all my resolutions in good parenting out the window. i still love u more each day muchkins .. my ava adore ..

well our raya turned out swell .. i got evrything i wanted (shows how much raya means to me) and got to do the raya rounds and open house visits .. satisfied all family members .. penat jugak but hafta commit cos hazim must know all his unc, aunts, cousins, toks and so forth .. so friends were kinda left out til after exam. terrible me didnt even peek my revision books till the raya hols ended then still had time to have friends over for raya prior 2 days to the exam ... somehow .. miraculously i had enough time to cover all .. all the time wide awake paying attention in class was worth it .. some did stick in my mind .. after exam .. got kissm to attend so had fun shopping for its bag and shoes .. how its a must for me .. now everybody's runnin off to get new shoes for kissm .. teha n lin wud understand .. shuz sistaz o mine ..

had another nostalgic moment just now after seein 604b girls having fun gyrating their bodies to shaggy .. gosh .. somehow i remembered the cool sistas at uni .. kak syd, kak wendy, kak hani(what isit with me and older ppl), anis and diha .. how cool our rooms were .. the overplayed cds (jika, life in mono, belinda carlisle, itsy bitsy tiny weenie yellow polkadot bikini).. the talcum poker, halloween parties and just hangin around .. reminisced our eating sessions, lookin at ppls shoes and bags, and so much more. all the girls have moved on and we will never be the same as in our youth but i'm proud to have known them and i really cherish those years .. we may not keep in touch with each other but how we we are still friends who have flown from our nest .. and grown from girls to women .. gosh how melancholic .. if i could have another day tho .. :(

we said our goodbyes to the achenese collegues last fri .. we'll remember u pur and oja .. how time flies .. i'm really gonna miss this phase of life of mine ..

so i'll be planting my fanny in a particular hall for the infamous kissm. not kiss me . trying to fight off stuckups, wet blankets and suckers for 2 weeks long .. all the best for me ..

despite bein an overplayed song .. i love mahakarya cinta and chasing cars ..

if I lay here .. if i just lay here ... would u lie with me and just forget the world ..

peace out!

hazim and his trucks and tyres

2006-09-15T18:24:00.000+08:00

sleep tite my lil prince .. dunt worry, we have no bed bugs

I just finished reading cecilia ahern's if u could see me now ... it took me a long wait to get my hands on the book. anyways .. the book basically told a story of havin imaginary friends especially kids .. after two years and still some gibberish talk, hazim has yet to develop an imaginary friend. I guess he has enough company to entertain him. but 1 thing for sure now, he has this great love for trucks and tyres. Every truck is mac now (mac in CARS) and after tagging along papa one day to the tyre workshop and way too many pitstops, he tends to take off all the tyres of his matchbox cars and trucks. He got highly frustrated the other day cos he couldnt take the tryes of his big tractor and mr horsie. Sound effects are included in his endeavour. ajim .. ajim .. i love the way the arranges his trucks and cars in order along the side of my bed and knows to return it to the toybox later.

Now that opah has brought her arabic class to our home, the whiteboard in in the dining area and guess who's the new ustaz in town .. introducing ustaz hazim .. all he writes are scribbles but u can hear the distinctive aa, baa taa and stuff. One helluva good emulator he is. Each day to his own antics and we never could get enough of it. how I wish he doesnt grow up as fast as he is now ..

well today finally came and God how long I've been waiting for it. I made my final bow at the school and I was a bit sad when the boys came over to sing the Phantom song .. How i will cherish the days with the lazy but very behaved boys. I was weary of getting an ol boys class at first but these boys never did or say anything untowards and i am so grateful for bein placed in the ok school. well now that practicums over .. back to college .. hmm .. I wonder how we'll be ..

a big birthday shoutout to ajim's yayang .. happy 23rd .. may you'll be blessed with all the happiness in this world.

song of the day .. whassup with teriyaki boys? man its irritating to hear and damn catchy too. hate myself for humming the sing .. dam.

hazim and kajang's tea party

2006-09-11T18:45:00.000+08:00

this was taken during his first party ever .. we are gonna have a number 2 cake this year .. not gonna buy last minute like what I did last year ..

too bad we dont live in Boston else the title would be much more glamourous. So its final instead of doin an iftar bday, opah n me decided a separate party before his bday to have a small get together and drink tea. I'm hardly waiting for it to happen cos I so love tea and I know there'll be all those typical tea party eats like finger sanwiches, sausages on picks, tiny drummets and some more fingerfood .. tea itself, cake and all the whatnot desserts. I know there'll be pie or pudding. yummy. Now thats why I dont wonder why I've became a mommy elephant. And family gatherings? I like. What other better thing to do than sit and chat and eat and hear updates n gossips.

Still deliberating with papa on what to buy. If its up to me .. some educational thingy and if its up to papa, some boy toy .. but whatever it would be .. hazim will always be our best present ever and a bossy 2 year old is better than none .. we are so blessed .. aaaaaaah .. tad mushy there.

so the final week has finally arrived and how me n kak yati are sooo counting the hours til we leave the school to go back to college. Just now we were just grateful how ten week we could get along well despite not being classmates b4 cos God how much I've been hearing friends discovering each other's true colours and how everyone is cracking under pressure. Thank God for kak Yati. maybe the fact that we help each other to survive and do not take each other for granted was y it went well for us plus the fact that there's no competition n bein ourselves and also havin a much more mature thinkin. We do not strive to chase the distinction mark cos hell no neither both of us wants to be sent to God knows where jungle. Pass is enough for us and I never thot that me n her have many similar thoughts n ideas. so hurrah for kak yati. You're the best. My practical would not have been this good without u n If I were to do it all over again .. I pick u still.

Why do I get this crazy feeling that I'm gonna miss the school and its wacky students..

The solo drive each morning and back when I get to have my own thoughts and simply drive and listen to music..

The good food at the canteen compared to pak lang's cafe..

The kind ppl who I dont know much about, so to me are nice..

I cant believe that its gonna be a bit hard to let go ..

In know its kinda late .. but I must get nelly's CD. despite the critics, promiscuous and man eater are sounding better to me by day. man .. its catchy.

hazim and his dramas

2006-09-07T16:34:00.000+08:00

he's turnin 2 in a week. my baby is so grown up know and can talk .. I still see you like u just a lil babe. just like this. i'll love u till the ocean doesnt touch the sand.

hazim can be such a drama king sometimes. plus a crybaby. urghh .. me n papa just hafta succumb to his needs bcos during the day he'll be pampered and indulged to death by opah, tokki and his aunts so now he knows that he can get away with murder. how mr. bossypants he has become. I must find a way to stop this from getting worse. What hazim wants hazim gets. Sometimes i do feel guilty cos I'm away most of the time, I bring work back home and I also hate being the curmudgeon mother but if things dont stop now, he'll be a spoilt brat and I must say he's way ahead that path.

There only 2 solutions:

1. move out

2. give him a brother or sibling

Sad to say these are not options at the moment. I still have my study to finish and someone hasta take care of hazim during the day. It will kill me too to separate ajim n the clan at this age. guess i hafta be more stern (like that would happen, I cant even control 42 form 1 students, let alone my son) urgh .. one blessing though, u wont see his dramas cos he's such an angel infront others esp. other bratz.

the taman negara trip was ok. we got to stay in a chalet so papa said its like a vacation from me. curbed my anger and anxiety a bit. I didnt know jungles could appeal to u til I stepped into our national parks. Despite bein dead tired, I enjoyed all the activities especially soakin in the cool river n rapid shootin. And also bein with friends i know I wont meet again after all the hoopla ends. Its been a long time since my last slumber party an best gak sleepin late talkin and talkin. What shocking news u cud find out. Guess its been awhile. Thanks en baha for a significant experience and man u were rite bout it bein a once in a lifetime thing. No way I'm gonna spend a vacation with kids in a jungle or takin boat rides along the river. Not that adventurous. Maybe when hazim is older (like secondary school). missed papa and ajim like mad tho and somehow heard they had great fun without me. huh?

a kopitiam just opened in our neighbourhood. Checkin it out tonite. Hopefully it'll turn out good cos i love kopitiams and havin one near is what i want.

I sooo love rihanna's song. Unfaithful. but the 'I dont wanna be a murderer .. ' part .. kinda tacky.

hazim and sheila on 8

2006-08-22T17:30:00.000+08:00

I'm ready for school mom

I'm a bad bad mom. ppl mustve been thinkin whattahell i was doin bringin my tot to a concert but we had fun n nuthin went wrong so there! why waste good complimentary tics when u can be among the 1K ppl at the gig. how sad, so7 usedta attract major crowds. must be bcos of the other groups springin like mushrooms these days. s07 will always have the soft spot in my heart. so, the three of us had so much fun tho most of the time was spent checkin hazim doin his dance ala joey. Man does he love music. anything as long as its music.

hazim was a sleepybaby at first but papa bought him that glow in the dark stick and that made his nite i guess and soon after.. my baby was on the floor jumpin to sheila on 7's music. It wouldve been better if I knew the lyrics like I did few years back when I was still a groupie. Papa n me cant believe that now we're with our baby to their third concert in KL. Gosh .. how i loved them .. kisah klasik utk masa depan .. sahabat sejatiku .. man i was a sucker for indonesian ballads. I still am .. samsons on the cd player for now along with paris hilton.

so its the school hols now hence me typin away here and theres so many things to tell but no idea at the moment what .. i cant say i miss school and how im dreading to leave hazim for taman negara in 3 days .. I cant wait for the 4 more weeks to fly away .. good thing that being teachers we are, the clan is at home sans hoda. we leisure around, cook and eat,nap and nap and waitin for the pay to shop til we drop. blissful 6 days for me albeit a short one. i'm gonna hate bein away from papa, ajim, CARs and peeps at home.

anyways .. happy hols to me and how nice it feels to be finally free from mlm calls .. I'm a bad bad friend.

hazim and CARS

2006-07-16T22:49:00.000+08:00

the reason why CARS is in bold is because hazim is obsessed with it. OBSESSED. Dat in day out thats all on our tv. thank God the house has extra tvs but he MUST have a companion. bugger. its ok if u're doin sumthin else but u just gotta b in the room while he's watchin. so it cud be me, papa, the girls, or opah. even TOKKI is not excluded. so now i practically know the words to both script and soundtrack of the movie. I rue the day I bought that dvd. but at least hazim is distracted now and stuff can be done while he's at it. he loves ligtning (of course) and mater (mama too). despite watchin it for the thousandth time, I can still laugh at the punchlines .. among others ..
doc: besides .. how can I leave .. mater didnt get to say goodbye ..
mater : goodbye .. ok I'm good!
toldya I've memorised the movie.

as usual when hazim starts to gain some weight, he loses it. hazim caught the fever bug spreading due to the very hot weather we are having. We went to a wedding (happy getting hitched su and azhar) yesterday while it was sizzling hot and ended up cooling ourself at OU. then successfully managed to grab 2 tckets to pirates where the cinema was really cold and i forgot his sweater. I think the ugly davy jones and his damned crew also contributed to his illness. demam terkejut. (the movie was ok btw despite its lengthy feature) when we had dinner, I can already feel his shivers. poor baby. i really hate seeing him sick.

school is ok so far but i get an extra day off tomorrow to take care of baby ajim. i just hafta be damn the consequences later.

kinda crazy of OSTs now. OST cars (dunt be surprised) and G&gincu (whats wrong with liking f*zura & sa**y?). I also hafta go buy sergio mendes' CD. terujaaa ..

ajim .. mama wish u the pink of health soon.

hazim and july

2006-07-08T21:31:00.000+08:00

hazim will be kinda busy this month whats with the birthdays, anniversaries and all. he'll be singing lotsa birthday songs and tompang blowin many candles for sure. it wont be long when he'll turn two also. when it comes to singin happy birthday, he's the champ. he'll be singin his heart out but just for the tune and some distinctive words or else u'll have no idea what he is belting ..

cut his hair last week n papa said he was so hysterical of seeing his locks dropping on the floor. He came back screaming til he fell asleep with tears still trickling. I dunno whats wrong with hazim but it comes to touching his hair, teeth and nails, he'll be crying like mad as if i just cut his finger. wonder wonder ..

well one things for sure he's in seventh heaven now that i'm back by 3 everyday. he can have his pelena when nap time comes. and he'll be sleeping til 6pm and opah gets to go wherever she wants with me at home lookin after the baby. I'm glad also becos I get to rest the day away cos wakin up very early in the morning really tires me out. I miss my seat on 6174. I miss talkin to papa and singin along with him evry day. I miss college n i miss the girls. i hate goin to school. why oh why did i choose this? just 9 more weeks .. nine more weeks .. about 44 days to go .. geez .. i know the girls are counting the days .. how hellish things have been for them .. kesian

well one quick shout out .. happy birthday papa n ayah n ain n dinah n myself. happy anniversary to mak ayah n us .. 3 years babe .. so many wonderful years ahead of us. never forget that its all real ..

happy sunny july days ahead .. I wish it was september tho and hell freezes over then ..

hazim and his tok we

2006-06-15T19:47:00.000+08:00

today we faced another june passing with the demise of my beloved uncle in KT. whats so sad is that we just saw him a mere week ago. Things were already looking bad at that time and he was warded for 4 days before he left us due to kidney failure. another family member left in june. now it seems june brings a sad theme to us all cos we have never fully recovered by the loss of opah and atuk. ajim will remember his tok we as the old man who kept saying makan .. makan .. makan .. his way of urging hazim to eat cos the boy just wanna keep running in tok we's spacious living room and go round and round. what i'll remember most during our visit was when he cut a pear into small slices for hazim to at least have something to bite cos seemingly his mom cudnt care less (was seriously waiting to head to pasar payang). Hazim never got the attention and affection from his tok nyang cos he passed away when he was still a baby and i guessed in his own way, he kinda liked having tok we around. Poor ayah .. another brother but ayah said it was hikmah ( a blessing) when the car broke down in KT cos we gotta spend our last moments with ayah we before he left us .. Al Fatihah for arwah Hj Alias bin Khalid. You'll always be in our prayers and our memory as the kind uncle who always cared.

so i guess that was the sad closure to last week of my most valued break. i'll be going back to school next mon for series of workshops and plethora of classes. i do not feel guilty at all for not dealing with my homework and portfolios cos i really enjoyed the 3 week break i so deserved. I frolicked wonderfully at pulau kapas with papa, ajim and the clan, I spent a week just reading books of authors whom i've yet to catch up with, I watched the movies that mattered, I spent upmost quality time with my baby and watched 3 weeks of cheekiness, mischief and intelligence , I shopped til i dropped and ate and ate and ate and i lounged and lazed like a full cat. what bliss to have such holidays to revive your body, mind and soul. Now .. back to reality

* so amazed with hazim's ability to know the advert jingles and some top 10 songs. That he really got from me. but at that age .. wow.. my son!

hazim and his mom's break

2006-06-03T11:55:00.000+08:00

*snatched this from kawai's mail

BEFORE I WAS A MOM:
Author Unknown

Before I was a Mom

I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing.

I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom,I slept as late as I wanted

And never worried about how late I got into bed

.I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom

I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mom

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom

I had never been puked on

Pooped on

Spit on

Chewed on

Peed on

Or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a Mom

I had complete control of

:My thoughts

My body

And my mind.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom

I never held down a screaming child

So that doctors could do tests

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep

Before I was a Mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

When I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small

Could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small

Could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay

I had never known the warmth

The joy

The love

The heartache

The wonder

Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

LiFe Is FuLL oF UpS AnD dOwNs...
BuT We StiLL HaVe To LiVe To ThE FuLLeSt...
No LoOKiNg BaCk... having hazim was the best thing that happened to me ..

so i'm on my 3 weeks holiday and boy it is bliss when there are no homework, no runs to the xerox centre and of course no waking up early in the morn. Plus i just got my soundtrack of life, my compilation of of songs that brought meaning to me so theres nothing more heavenly than lounging at home with the cd playing and spending time with hazim, going back to watching him grow (esp. his vocab), things i have missed the past 4 months. too bad papa hasta work.

will be heading to pulao kapas this monday, hazim's first ever island experience. can hardly wait ..

hazim and his national anthem

2006-03-25T21:30:00.000+08:00

my 18 months son can sing the national anthem. from beginning to end. pelat and all tho.
I'm in awe myself. i still wonder how on earth it became his favourite song. I now hear the song about 20 times a day. sighh ..

we had two mysteries at home that deserves to be included in mestika (mom reads it) . It was so bizarre.

1. nan hazim spent her weekend at sepang Intnl circuit and came back on sunday evening to an empty house. Her 3 week maid went missing with her cash and jewellery. Minding the cash, it was the jewellery that mattered. with its sentimental value and all. so began the days of prayers and wishes along with anger and sadness. a coupla days later, she came back and found the jewellery case back in its drawer. she swore it was empty b4. How did it end up back there? eerie huh?

2. the male population at home got hit by the flu the past 3 days. From tokki to aiman to papa n ajim. their temperature even hit 41 degrees. burning hot but shivering still. but today saw them up and active again. Hazim healed in two days while others just got up today. despite lying down and weak, hazim can still sing guess what? negaraku of course. guess the ladies got extra antibody. jeng jeng jeng.

got another lazypants at school for our observation. got she can talk her way but unfortunately, no one bothers with her so she's on her own. padan muka.

b4 i forget, happy birthday mom. happy hitting the big 50. you're the best mom in the whole wide world.

as hazim will say .. tooooooot .. habis dah!

hazim and his crew cut

2006-03-16T15:03:00.000+08:00

the other day papa brought hazim for his first cut outside. he came back like he just signed up to be in the army. no more curly locks for him. now he looks so like boy. I felt like some part of me flew away looking at how my firstborn has grown up so. He's 18 months this month and he's no longer a baby. Hazim is so independant now. Now that I'm on a break from school I can see how he can manage most of the time on his own. Opah has trained him just like how we were trained but with more TLC. of courselaa .. cucu sorang ..

Hazim can now ..

1. process info and carry out simple tasks like shutting the door, turning off/on tv/dvd/radios etc etc (under supervision)

2. sleep by himself but now mama's home must sleep with uknowwhat first.

3. suap himself or hold own cup and drink

4. climb up and come down the stairs by himself (still under supervision)

5. really act 'the good boy' part in front of company. the other nite, after sending off atuk and wan at KLIA, we went out for dinner with mak ngah and co, slept thru out the journey and dinner. Only on the way back did he woke up. To mak ngah, one who lets her to eat and talk in peace and quiet is pure angel. thats my boy, an angel.

6. entertain us single handedly with his antics .. ie his silat, his version of negaraku and we will rock you .. tokki says he's 6 yrs old not 1 yr 6 months

7. show more defined emotions such as jealousy, happiness, sadness etc. we understand him more these days. he can say more words but at times we're stull lost in translation.

8. enjoys more things around him like books, trains and aeroplanes, sights and sounds .. and so much more

Its such a wonderful experience to explore this colourful world of hazim .. Each day is a new learning process for both me and him .. my sweet child .. how i love you so ..

now my whining part. I've yet to receive my allowance. Stoopid training centre. You expect us to give and give and give but u dont play your part. Its not that I'm in dire straits but this hols would be nicer if it could be filled with shopping. I've got so many things on my mind. My shopping list and cravings grow longer each day but remail unfulfilled looking at the balance of my govt bank. Urgh .. I just hate this waiting ordeal. Stoopid training centre. how typical of your kind to treat us like this .. I thot I have let loose of things like these but u haunt me back. My sibs are also waiting in anticipation hoping it would be sooner so they get things I have promised them .. I'm so bad ..

As for classes, I'm swamped with work (Whats new?) even during these hols. 3 big jobs and uncounted petty work. but all must be done .. got ample time hopefully. I'm dedicating my whole week to papa n hazim n family. no squeezing in work. It will only commence next week. hehheeh .. fOrtunately, we had this much deserved break, the class was starting to hit on my nerves, I dunno what wudve happened without this holiday. I guess i wudve exploded. but I get to maintain both sanity and dignity ..

gosh this entry's long .. nuff said i guess

while waiting ..

2006-03-03T12:48:00.000+08:00

I'm at school waiting for papa to pick me up. normally when he does, the minute i'll be seated til i leave the car, i'll be telling all my daily happenings, activities, whinings and complaints. Especially bout the 'colourful' class i have. i think if we don't car pool, we never get to talk like we do (this one-side) thingy cos i'll be swamped with work at night time. Even hazim is becomin hazim the menace due to lack of attention.

can't wait for the 3 week break comin in soon.
til then

There is a death in the opposite house

2006-02-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

I really really need to cut his fringe. Too long already and might reach his eyes sooner than I'll know.

I was blog surfing just now and read most of the regular ones of ppl i hardly know in life. anyway, today's readings proved to me the lyrics

'aku percaya tiada yg sia sia

semuakan ada hikmahnya' taken from the series 'hikmah'.

A stranger lost her mother to a car accident. She wrote previously how excited she is of her parents comin to town. Imagine how things turned overnight for her. How her world has tumbled upside down. Her husband was supposed to leave for overseas b4 but the trip got postphoned. Imagined if he went accordingly as these things happened. LEaving her alone with no one to lean on. Allah has his ways. I was at lost of words as I read her blog. I hardly knew her but I feel for her. I cannot even imagine how it would be like in her shoes. Geez.

Emak lost her mother recently. Its been 20 months already but Emak still cries when she talks of Opah. Still regrets of things that have happened and the ones that did not happen. We expected Opah to leave us because she was in coma for a week but we were never ready. For 48 years OPah has been with Emak and her loss left a deep impact in everbody's life but no matter how strong Emak is, she's still in pain of Opah's passing.

I sometimes scold my sisters and brother because of their disrespect of Emak. How they feel EMak scolds them too much and leave them with little freedom. How Emak loves another more and not them. How they procrastinate when Emak urges them to do some chores. How unfair Emak is and whatnot. They just dunt know how lucky they are. Emak is alive and loves them more than anything. I know this cos I have a child. Parents would die for their children. Their own flesh and blood. All the strictness and unfairness is because of love and worry. Every single minute I'm worried of my son. Whatabout 4 girls and a boy?

I love Emak more after my pregnancy, delivering hazim and now that mak is sacrificing her time and energy to look after boisterous hazim. I cannot imagine life without her. Im really sorry of giving her strife, rudeness and worry during my teen years. If I was as I am today back then ..

On a lighter note, hazim is more like a 4 year old boy than his 16 months of age. He hardly stays still and imitates everything ppl say or do down to sneezing and coughing too. After a hard day's work, returning to his cheekiness and mischieves, all super energy returns. I regret leaving him behind but he has turned more independant and less detached to me.

Its sad but I hafta leave it that way in order to get this. I hafta work harder than the others just to prove that mothers can do this crash course too. MOthers who have dependants and do not stay in the hostel can make it. I can do it! Despite lack of time n energy, so far I work more effeciently. You just hafta work smart and know to prioritize.

Just one thing that pisses me off. PPl who are lazy. Thay are lazy to do their work and expect ME to hand them what I have done. Also those who are stingy of their money and expect to xerox all my new books. no way! I'm not saying I'm better but just that I dunt depend on ppl too much. Thats why whether in school, Uni and now here, I have less friends. But nevertheless, I'm happy. Papa and Ajim are enough friends for me. Thankful to have ain as my tuition teacher too. She has helped abundantly.

I missed the grammys the other day. didnt have the strength to stay awake that long. damn though.

ciaO

10 things I miss about you ..

2006-02-04T22:52:00.000+08:00

this 9 day holiday made me realize so many things I have missed due to goin back to school.

1. Of course my darling baby boy hazim who looks just as bulat as the thing next to him in the pic. I miss his antics, his active self, his cheekiness and much more.

2. Callin papa at work. I barely have time to stretch my legs let alone to type an sms during classes. Papa has issued a complaint and eversince, I squeeze one or two in between breaths. hehe.

3. Reading fiction. I so miss my chick lits, suspense drama, cop stories and victorian romance. all i have time is education, psychology, pedagogy, philosophy and other stuff my snail mind is catching up with ..

4. My daytime tV. oprah, judging amy, reruns of previous nites' series ..

5. Thinkin of what to eat for bfast, lunch, tea, dinner and supper. Moms cooking too. How can we love the same cooking for years of our lives but cannot stand cafeteria's food after a week?

6. My siestas of course. anytime anywhere.

7. Keeping abreast of things and news at home. I barely have time for my baby then doin chores, to read or talk to others.

8. The late nite chats with the girls and sometimes aiman. I only get to know abridged version of events or stories.

9. I miss reading my 2 daily newspapers and doin my much addicted soduku that i can never get enuff of, I see numbers in my dreams.

10. I miss hazim all over again.

I feel so out of date sometimes. Howeva,I'm so lucky to notice that I'm missin all these stuff that I get to do or be with it these last days. really enjoyed it and I'm practically dragging my feet and heart back to school. malasnya rasaaaaa ..

can't wait for march. I'm so lucky that I'm in a job that has 90 days for annual leave. woohoo. no matter what ppl say or think, Im all for it!

back to school

2006-01-20T15:31:00.001+08:00

doesn't he look cheeky? thats hazim alright. getting cheekier by day. now that he's opah's boy, extra mischevious. I'm so proud of him. he's a fast learner and no longer shys away like he used too. He smiles to everybody and waves diligently eventho to some who don't seem interested with toddlers.

yesterday, i asked him some body parts like where is your nose, eyes, etc etc and surprisingly he can answer all. we didnt teach him anything but he learned by observation and the talks we give him. So it is true that u can make your kid more smarter if u always talk to them. I am so proud of him. And I detest so much having to leave him everyday now.

So thats where I've been missing to lately. School. I've been accepted to attend this one year teacher's training. Thats the decision I made that will change the course of my life. I never intended to teach b4 but not everything goes our way. After many thots, discussions with papa, overviews and stuff, I think this is the best step I can take for the time being. The road most travelled.My interest can be cultivated and after a week, I'm already slightly excited. The good thing is, I'm gonna be in KL for this course so I'm near to my family.

The second good thing is its at my ol matric centre. After 10 years, I'm back.God! 10 years man! The place is much more decent now despite its age. And I'm happy that all my favourite haunts back there are still there even after 10 years. I felt so nostalgic this past week. Eating my fav tomyam, goin into the library, My old hostel, the classrooms. I used to be single then loving to walk around and enjoying my single existence. NOw I have papa and hazim and more responsibilities and commitments. I envy the young ones (I'm the oldest in my class) with their ample free time and lack of things to tie them down but I have more determination and willpower to work harder. I know I can make it.

I'm loving the company and the new friends I'm getting. Lotsa mothers out there struggling thru just like me and I must be able to do it if another mother of three can! I just miss giving papa hazim's report of daily activities. and I'm gonna miss seeing him grow this year. now I hafta just rely on opah to love and take care of him.

The second day this week, we had to start sports activities. Oh how long I have not exercised. I bet if its possible, u can hear squeeks from my body. I cud hardly do the warming up session. I hope and am determined to exercise more and not punish my body.

I'm gonna be swamped with work and assignments and hazim will need all the attention so I may not write as many as usual. I'll try my best to fill up updates especially on hazim. No matter what hazim, mama loves u lots!Part of why I'm doin this is becos of u. Not for the money but the time I get to spend with u in the future. I'm always gonna be there for u. Just these 6 months. I think of you everytime we're apart.

'Nuff said.

busy bee

2005-12-16T20:37:00.000+08:00

can't seem to find the time to update this thingy. swamped with hazim's activities, family thingies, eating, exams, road trippin, shopping sprees, eating and finishing all the books i have. so til then ..

one quick note, fell in love with sari indah alamanda and will be going there again. and again and again.

my heart beats on ..

2005-12-07T18:25:00.000+08:00

so the announcements out. If i dunt hear by the 19th, i'm left behind. Now i know that i'm at two roads diverged and must choose either. I know i'll do better at the road more traveled. More security and more work and less ajim but do I dare? I just don't know. WHatever it is .. 19th will bring the answer.

Its so hard when u just dunno what to do with your life at this age. All i know for sure is I'd love to be a full time mom with trunks full of money to spare but thats not an option for the moment. I so envy those who know their dreams and on the way of makin it real. Ppl who hate their job give so much comfort cos we're in the same boat. I just hate doin things rite and perfectly but some still strive to find fault in my job and report it exaggeratingly. Loads of money and time with hazim is just not worth this.

Its not always rainbow and butterflies but compromise that gets us along but is there compromise if you're climbing the ladder of success while stepping on other people's hands on the way too? Urgh. Damnation!

Guess I'm just having a bad day. i really need a blue sky holiday.

Daniel powter's song is really playin in my mind.

'Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

You've seen what you like

And how does it feel for one more time

You had a bad day

You had a bad day '

STarted the day out late, then got heartbreaking news then got scolded for no real reason (thank u papa for sorting it out) then it rained and plans canceled and then got reprimanded for not doin my job right (again!, papa can't sort this out out) then hazim catches a cold. Too much in one day.

On a positive note, I found three great books to read, finished by eve dallas' series and in love with stuckwitu and the song by ciara and bowwow, like u. this brought sunshine to me today.

Can't wait for terengganu. Just can't wait for this week to end. Gotta go. Hazim's hollering.

weirdo libido

2005-12-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

i had 2 weird dreams on 2 consecutive nites.

1st nite, dreamt was bosom buddies to a blogger whose blog i read most days. woke up reaching for my phone to call her for bfast. few mins later realised that i dunt have her number cos i dunt really know her. bengong.

2nd nite (last nite), finished reading da vinci code (finally) b4 i slept and in my dream, i was with langdon n neveu cracking the codes to find the holy grail. when ajim woke me up for his subuh feed, papa heard me saying, tido balik jim, mama tgh busy dgn da vinci code nih .. haha .. double bengong . what i read really affects my sleep.

malaysian league has started and as i'm typing, papa n aiman are at the stadium cheering for selangor. Perak is leading and i think winning. the gals said that if perak wins, no more beraya at satim's house. always the drama queens. hazim dah pandai cakap gol and cheers with them and critics the players. ajim ajim. luckily huda's away or else they'll bring the house down.

hazim's developments, he can run a bit, he can say buka and wan. he calls ayah instead of tokki which i dunt like so everyday i insist him say tokki. he reads his books when i read mine. walking diligently that the rate he is goin, i guess he can walk a kilometre. :)

so eid's gone and now we're up for the year end hols and trips. next week to pD, the other back to tganu then tokki and the clan head to Kuantan ikut tokki's seminar b4 christmas. even hearing the plans i grow tired.

watched Hpotter already. the book wins. but the movie was exciting too. had to explain to Papa and aiman most of the time cos the movie was quite fast paced for those who didnt read the book. can hardly wait for the next instalment. can't wait for narnia too. gonna bring hazim along cos of the abundance of animals in the film.

thats about it i guess.

whats wrong with liking BEP's my hump?

sederhana tapi meriah

2005-11-21T17:58:00.000+08:00

the over-used phrase of TV3 on commenting Hari Raya in Malaysia or any other celebrations. hehehe.

anyways, our eid open house went well and smooth. after tokki's students left, we pretty much got time to relax and enjoy the feast. i even got to nap b4 asar. soon after, ppl came in droves and everybody was rushing here and there to replenish the food and entertain guests and friends.

hazim had a blast as usual. probably becos most of the babies were girls. seronok sakan. I had fun cos 2 of my best friends came and i got time to sit and chat with them. how we have grown, from teenagers to now mothers. papa's friend also came after maghrib. We expected more to come cos they called to accept the invite but maybe becos of the traffic and rain, they couldn't make it. at 11pm, semua pengsan, even my baby. i managed to catch csi:ny first and oprah b4 i dozed off. This morning, we all overslept and Papa got late to work.

Today, I think I heard Hazim answered tak boleh and not yet to most of my questions. And after I finished my daily sudoku, he took my pen and paper to do the crossword plak.as if. my child a prodigy? naah. I'd rather him a normal life like other kids.

I'm still waiting for the answer to a life changing year next 2006. I'm waiting with bated breath.

As for this week's activity, the whole clan will be heading to malacca to reclaim the throne oops no! to follow tokki and indulge ourselves with ikan bakar and assam pedas. Maybe squeeze in to catch Hpotter in between eating. :)

thats all folks

i can drive all nite ..

2005-11-15T14:35:00.000+08:00

i love this keyboard .. its like smooth sailing and i can go on and on typing away ..

i have my driving skills back. after the massive congestion today, i'm the old me not independant of having others to drive me around. I must say when u can drive in KL thru traffic and make it on time to ur designated location, u can DRIVE man. I'm kinda glad i can do this again and no longer am a freak else my plans for next year might face glitches. and the best thing, when ur away most of the day, having hazim wait for u at the door with the biggest smile of relief on seein u is the best thing on earth for me.

planned to meet up with some gals for lunch today cos i'm rarely in town but switched to head straight back home cos asking ppl last minute is risky and they turned out swamped with exams, one invigilating, the other marking. bummer but i still have more work to come in town next month so we can have girl bondin later.

ina and dice, if ur reading this and ur in town this weekend, do comeover to sg. ramal dlm, kajang for my open house. 3pm onwards.

time out. til next time.

lost in space

2005-11-13T18:33:00.000+08:00

i read a blog that had this quote init ..
'The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.'Gilbert K. Chesterton

i always shudder when i think what life would be if papa or hazim were taken away from me. If u caught the drama 'langit maghrib' on tv3 last nite, i would end up exactly like the protagonist. My whole world would end and i'll do nothing else but dwell in my happy past. God forbid my life ends that way.

back to the cerekarama, the plot was simple with a message but its effects .. whoa! i so sympathised with the lady. imagine losing your husband and four children on the eve of hari raya and then after a month, fell and lost your 5 months baby. so tragic but has happened before. Her shoes are not ones i would want to be in. She was actually grateful to Allah the nite b4 the accident that her life is perfect and goin well. Just kinda like the one I'm having now. But I always take it for granted, unappreciative with what I have. After losing Opah n ATuk that i realized that i spent lil time with them thinkin they would live up to 100 years old and soon i would make up for time lost. Now all i can offer are prayers and hope that they would be placed among the blessed. Insya Allah.

hazim, still with his unfathomable language, call me amma and papa appa. got the deeparaya bug i think. loves to move his hands to the music like in a zapin or traditional dance. dunno what bug he caught of that. now i have another new job when he's around, cleaning his mess. hazim is curious as a cat and inspects everything his eyes catches so i have to put everything back in order. sabar jelah. wonder if i can afford a helper next year. see how lazy a housewife i am ..

tokki got this jet pipe ala car wash from a reward programme last month but only recently put it in use. guess who's in high heaven enjoying the toy? papa n aiman of course. nowadays, all the cars in our garage are sparkling n gleaming. pantang kotor sikit.

'nuff said

open houses .. here we come

2005-11-11T19:03:00.000+08:00

the invites are pouring in .. there's hardly a free weekend this month for us. so what i've longed for a long time .. err for about 10 months. this is the time for meeting ppl while stuffing ur face with good free food and getting money too (if the hosts are generous). great for me. wee tiring but worth the outing. laksam, laksa johor, nasi tomato, assam laksa, mee kari .. n so much more yumm .. can hardly wait.

hazim is talking these days. enthusiastically. only problem is .. we can't understand a single word he's saying except words like papa, mama n of course bambang. i stopped him from doin something the other day and he said biar!. looks like somebody's been listenin to what other ppl's saying. one thing that i must cut down is the shouting. but in this house, that'll be kinda hard, everybody shouts when they talk except tokki eventho they're face to face. what can i say when most of them are teachers.

i'm kinda bummed today cos won a contest last month that the prize was sunway lagoon tickets but i lost the proof of purchase in the post so i can't claim my prize. knew i shouldve couriered it. so no sunway in december. we can fork out the money of course but not during the school hols. me n hazim will hate the crowd. bummer. dyin to see the 12PA HP and the goblet of fire tho.

goin back to the alien language shoutin ..

hung up

2005-11-08T18:03:00.000+08:00

i had a laugh this morning when ppl talked about their raya dilemma on a morning radio talk show. just becos alhamdulillah, i dont have a raya dilemma this year. I still have money to spend now that raya's gone, I had ample time to beraya, I've had plenty raya food already and I'm just about ready to start working. Now I'm just in the mood for december - the month of all travels. So wake me up when november ends ..

Raya for us was averagely celebrated. We shopped within our means and we visited within our strength. We got to go to both sides' family open houses and hazim had quite a blast. A blast at walking around at ppl's houses. Luckily he enjoys the walkaround and do not touch vases or knick knacks about. Just that after the visits he looks tad tired because of all the walking. But this year's raya was OK for us I guess.

Just one last shoutout, the kajang clan will be having an open house on sunday the 20th of nov, so everyone is cordially invited. Do come.

shopaholic takes kajang

2005-11-02T17:36:00.000+08:00

i finished all the shopaholic series in less than two weeks. phew! some might say that thats quite a long span for 4 books but when u have super duper active hazim around, consider yourself lucky that u can even read A book.

so nuthing much to blab but to wish a:

Selamat Hari Raya AidilFitri & Maaf Zahir dan Batin
Kullu 'Am Wa Antum Bikhair (picked that up from years at my alma mater terrer!)

Have a wonderful long holiday. I know i would with stuffing myself and dressing up my real life doll. :)

Papa said 2 ketupats and rendang will make his baju melayu pants burst. Wonder how he'll cope. :)

Enjoy k dear friends n family. Dont forget to comeby.

shopped til i drop

2005-10-26T22:12:00.000+08:00

last year, i stumbled upon a blog of a very proud mommy. she uploaded picchas of her daughter's baju raya which amounted to about a dozen. what a prick! i thot to myself. the year hazim has that amount of baju. guess who's the prick now. don't get me wrong bcos i didn't buy all of them. most came from uncles n aunts as his bday gift. one thing for sure is I wont be showcasing them in my foto pages.

we went shopping yesterday. i'm so tired. i still have no energy today. we went to maju junction first, parked the car there and took the monorail to BB plaza. take note, monorail kita is not that baby or handicap friendly. If ur using a stroller or wheelchair, u'll face some problems of getting to the upper level of the station. there are stairs and stairs and more stairs. penat gila. i think it would be last ride of ours on it. then we went to mid valley for iftar. quite a crowd too. guess everybody took leave like me n papa to shop too. got about everything except my baju kurung and tudung. mommies always comes last i guess.

time to wash the dishes. i must add that this year's raya will be so much fun. especially with hazim in our lives.

a day less ordinary

2005-10-20T20:55:00.000+08:00

the day started with mak wakin me up with the news of our first lady's demise. to lose someone is sad and on ramadhan is sadder. condolences for PM and family. after losing opah and atuk, or lives have never been the same. somewhat like a void fills our days and the absence grows bigger each day. with raya approaching, we miss them more.

on a lighter note, hazim fell off his tractor last nite. he fell on his bum so no hurt there. but he stayed frozen on the spot. it looked so hilarious that me n papa laughed our heads off till tears came out. then we did the ambulance routine, picking him up, putting on a cushion ala stretcher and checked the patient for any injuries. hazim enjoyed the attention so much that later on he begged to be angry at. ten mins after the tractor incident, hazim became hazim the cub. he scratched, bit and roared at papa. typical of him these days. so papa gave him an earful. ended up sulkin then straight to bed. thats hazim. the attention seeker. as if ..

i never ever thot that kajang is considered rural. we applied for streamyx and the service is not available in our area. too far from tm point. wireless connection lagilaa. i can't believe it cos kajang is mere 10km away from putrajaya and 30km from KL. i guess we're just a number.

went grocery shopping and book renting today. cooked for iftar and dead tired by now. quite an eventful day i must say. the weather's sombre to as if signifying today's sadness. i never get to do the laundry these days.

thats all i guess.

btw, dice .. hazim was born on 18th sept 2004. where are u staying now?

lovefool

2005-10-19T21:07:00.000+08:00

just caught the vid on channel V just now. really really used to love that song but cudnt buy the soundtrack for reasons that i can't recall. 'i can't care bout anything but u'

well the reason i'm writing here just after an entry yesterday is to say hi to two of my old friends. miss ina ali and mr syed mohsen (gosh dice, dunno if i spelled that rite). heyy you guys. been quite some time eh. i rarely check my comment box cos people just don't leave comments. but thanks by dropping by and selamat berpuasa. i'd love to break fast with u guys n since i'm a housewife, i pretty much have all the time in the world. just leave a msg.

dice .. dah ada anak bujang gak .. so hazim ada playmate. just so u know, hazim extra active but very shy.

ina .. can't believe ur in perling. my sis ain is teaching in taman perling n staying there. can't believe u moved house already too.

i guess ramadhan is a month of goodness and remembrance. been hearin from old friends that i've missed alot but dunno how to find. i'm a bad bad friend. really am. ppl can make the effort but i can't or couldn't. but hopefully the friends are here to stay.

nuff said.

walkin away

2005-10-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

i can no longer call hazim a lazy bum. he walks diligently everyday now. most of the time, attempts to run. sabar jelah. my heart? skips a beat each time he takes that step. u never know when he might fall on his face. so far no such thing. Alhamdullillah. walk away son.

impian illyana ended last week. surprisingly, i got hooked on it a couple of months ago. not bad acting n script and its only for 5 mins. worth watching for me.

into 15 days of fasting, we only broke fast outside once. so compared to last year, we save more this year. i suceeded to not overbuy nor overeat. more moderate this year.

one more thing, finished reading half blood prince in 2 days. quite a read to at times at nite, i felt a bit chilled as if voldemort was close by. really really cant wait for the final installment. damn.

thats all folks.

found something interesting from babyblues strip yesterday,

I witnessed every burp, smile, hiccup & whimper this baby has ever made at the expense of my personal interests, career and social life. Good Trade!

so me!

october rain

2005-10-04T21:09:00.000+08:00

b4 i write bout my cheeky boy n the coming ramadhan, kudos to the Selangor football team for making their treble wish a reality. a standing ovation to bambang for makin that overwhelming hat-trick and the players for showin what they are really made of. papa n paksu are still in cloud nine. of course they went to the stadium and the gals n me just hung out at home in front of the telly for the match.as usual we cheered like mad when they scored. Perlis said they played better, but u didnt win guys. too bad. selangor paramm paramm. :) feel like doin a cartwheel. over japz.

hazim has taken some brave steps lately. if he wants something or go somewhere badly, he'll walk. so officially he can walk now, malas jek. becos of the rain, he has a runnin nose. no matter how i tried to prevent it. must be the aircond at nite but he wouldn't sleep without it. just took out by trustworthy thick quilt to protect us from the cold at nite. pusaka from opah nyang.

this friday and next monday hafta go to banting to invigilate. no more papa's company cos he's really busy. oh how i so hate to drive long distance. anything for more duit raya to spend on my son.

ok lastly, ramadhan mubarak everybody. selamat beribadat. ramadhan is about fasting not overeating so to myself first, cut the gluttony and greed. yes, there are plenty bazaars and buffet feasts but save money and buy more shirts for hazim. hehe.

forgot one thing, finally i watched the movie gol n gincu. the actors were relaxed and the script was simple. our daily urban talk. i'm proud to announce that i'm both cheerleader and striker to papa. i can't play football but i can talk about it and now a declared selangor fan. woohoo ..

'nuff said.

sound of music .. not!

2005-09-29T14:22:00.000+08:00

i found out recently that the most devastating sound on earth to me is .. my one year old son coughing. due to the fickle weather nowadays, i developed a cough and sadly, hazim caught it from me. he only coughs when its cold and once or twice at nite, but the sound is heartwrenching for me. we already have given him the drugs and it takes time to go away but i really hope its soon. poor hazim .. alhamdullillah tho theres no fever or cold. just less eating.

talking about eating, hazim is into curry nowadays. influenced by tokki i guess. if i put a teeny weeny spoonful of curry be it chicken, beef or fish, and he'll gobble up his meal. soup rates second then the boring chicken or prawn porridge that mama makes when she's lazy (which is always) :)

hazim's updates so far ..

1. he can climb the stairs right till the top. now the gate has its uses.

2. no longer wants to sit on his high chair so i hafta be fast in feeding him.

3. when i get angry at him, he'll get angry at someone else and who else is he not afraid of .. pak su man ..

4. loves snacks .. just like mama

5. very observant. his memory is good. he watches your moves and will pick it up quickly. for example, he watched me close my mouth when yawning the other day and now does it himself. clever boy mama.

6. very2 noisy. living here its not a surprise.

7. lately, shortly after he wakes up, will sing a song first .. dunno what song then wake me up by imagining i'm a horse. gees ..

8. this i can't imagine why, but he's crazy about 'negaraku', our anthem. eversince independence day, i can get his attention by just singin it. heheh

we're so lucky to have hazim in our life.

to the selangor team, congrats on winnin the FA cup. good luck on the Malaysian Cup. the whole clan here are prayin for ya .. go get em

we support Malaysian football. woohoo.

my one year old boy

2005-09-21T22:47:00.000+08:00

hazim turned one year last sunday. sad tho cos mama hadta work and i was deadbeat as usual when it finished so we just hung out at maju junction for tea that day. there was a band+karaoke contest but most eyes were on hazim cos he was cheering the contestants enthusiastically.

had a big party the nite b4 and it was a blast. baju raya hazim dah complete dah. no need to buy thanks to the gramps n aunts n uncles. occasions like these, everybody can't stop thinkin of how overjoyed atuk n opah wud be if they were still around. its been awhile since our last bday party with cakes, candies, hats, balloons and whatnots. had fun tho hazim was tad cranky overwhelmed with the over attention lavished upon him. :) aparaa ajim ni ..

b4 i forget, happy grads uncle man, both UITM n PADI. got a handful there.

mama's interview went ok and if ada rezeki, will be joinin that career line i'm most uninterested in but its only half day n pays well. now i have hazim to think of not just me.

papa has moved office to KL. a sudden step but we hope for the best.

as for selangor, keep the treble dream alive. make it real.
yes! i'm into local football now. influenced by papa who has been a fan for quite some time. managed to catch a game the other day and i must say our state boys really work hard. I won't even think of goin to the finals but i'm rooting for them for sure.

*reminded by BOH's ad which features locals supporting foreign teams but a foreigner rooting for selangor. classic huh?

'nuff said.

coo cool

2005-09-07T21:23:00.000+08:00

i seriously adore this song at the moment. love the song love the melody.

CoOL -gwen-

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago

Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles,
and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

another thing i love this month is this book titled ps i love u by cecilia ahern. not ur typical chicklit. a touching story of a woman who lost her spouse to cancer. how she coped after his death. i can never imagine life without papa but i'll go on for sure cos i hafta, i have hazim to think about. God forbid. i'll never get out of bed.

this month hazim turns one year. how fast time flies. he's getting cheekier by the day. i leave him a lot with opah nowadays and i'm so lucky i have a tot who's behaving nicely without his mum. but the sight of me when i get back, he returns to cheekyboy hazim. sabo jelaa

things a moving positively for me n papa. rezeki hazim agaknya. Alhamdulillah.

i'm coo cool :)

my so called existence

2005-08-17T14:45:00.000+08:00

I came across a friend's teenage sister's blog the other day. ahh .. the typical i-hate-myself-my family-my life-and-wanna-die kinda blog. Ahh what hatred and angst. it made me smile. not far back i was that whiny teenager too. I hated my family for not trusting me, not giving enough money and independence. I hated myself for never having enuff money and was too lazy. blah blah. Just wanted to die cos life’s not fair.Yadda yadda. Teenage life sucked. And I always had friends who felt to same.

Somehow we moved on and got on with our lives. We grew up. We found our love partner, got a job, got married and made babies. Responsibility and commitments overwhelmed us. I’m no longer that teenager. Time woke me up. I’m so happy with my life now. So happy. I have the love of my husband, my baby and my family. The parents that I thot hated my actually loved me to bits and really cared. Money is never enough til now but now we make do with what we have, working more if we wanted more. J

Just glad I didn’t kill myself back then. J It would have been so not worth it, Now I look at my son, wondering will he go thru that teenage phase too one day thinking I hate him for not giving him enough money nor independence. Well .. its just a phase. I’ll worry when I approach the bridge.

Updates on Kajang Clan.
My sisters are still on cloud nine cos Mawi won. The concert nite was so entertaining for me. Not on watching astro but watching my sisters. They bought dinner at 6. pizzas and KFC. Quite a party (for me n papa) Then they gathered and rooted on. When the announcement was made, they were jumping up and down, covering their eyes unsure that Mawi will make it or not. Supposedly, a conspiracy is in the make to make felix the winner. J it was hilarious. Well, the nite became theirs n mawi.

Even hazim’s caught the fever. Each time one of us tertekan channel 15, he would crawl to sit in front of the tv and watch without blinking. Papa said he’s just awed with the music and colours but deep down papa knows that he’s doomed being the only one not in the fever. He thot once the academy is over, lega. NO! it never ends papa. Just bear with it dear.

Hazim’s still not walking yet but we’re savouring the moment cos even I can feel a bit loss of weight having to run after him a lot. He’s eating more solids now and alhamdulillah he loves his fruits. We’re hoping to go for a holiday this weekend. Wonder how hazim will enjoy the long drive. Still haven’t planned whereto.

For mak lang, get well soon so u can stop 100 plusing.

Too much said.

inside their heaven

2005-08-02T16:09:00.000+08:00

hazim has big front teeth. i guess they're from me. its so lovely. :) he's starting to say lotsa words now like apa, yeah and alaa .. no is oh to him and others are still mumbles. mama and papa is easy peasy for him now. aaah my son. kau pelita hati mama, sayang. menerangi setiap sudut sanubari mama.

papa got his glasses last week. hazim's still adapting to papa's new look. papa is as handsome as ever. growing more by the day. each day i fall more in love with him.

another thing that i'm in love this week is the song inside your heave, whether it is sang by Bo or Carrie, the song is utterly lovely. I'm so glad i'm in hazim n papa's heaven. i'm so blessed

for you dear

2005-07-19T17:17:00.000+08:00

i really2 love this song. this one is for u papa. u mean so much to me. my husband, bestfriend n lover. You're always in my heart.

BERTAKHTA DI HATI

Dihempas ombak
Terdampar buih
Menanti waktu pulang ke laut
Begitu rindu
Dipisah takdir
Meniti saat bersulam cinta

Lihat lihat
Sinarnya menyala
Lihat lihat
Ke dalam mataku
Cintamu bertakhta di hati

Sebelum ku kenal
Dirimu siapa
Aku tak kenali
Apa itu cinta
Setelah ku kenal
Dirimu siapa
Kau cinta sejati
Ku sandarkan jiwa

Digilis angin
Tercarik awan
Menanti detik sebelum hujan
Begitu sendu
Diguris resah
Meniti hari bersulam tangis

Takkan berganjak pendirian ku ini
Selagi kita tak kembali bersatu
Selamanya
Takkan berubah perasaanterhadapmu
Biar digugat
Biar dicabar
Biar dihalang

2 wonderful years

2005-07-19T16:40:00.000+08:00

I'm writin this using pak su tan's pc. i wonder if he'll freak out knowin i did. naah! no worries bout the billing cos its streamyx. thats why i'm enjoyin the smooth sailing speed. so fast. gotta change my template too. back to business.

today cukop 2 tahun papa n me got married. macam tak percaya je dah 2 tahun papa! sekejap je. mula2 seorang pastu 2 org and now 3 org. :) i must say dua tahun ni adalah the best years in my life. i'd swap it for nothin. its such a treasure that i'd die rather than not having it. adanya papa n hazim, dunia ni lagi cerah dan bahagia. of course kita hidup tak perfect, ada ups n downs, ada macam macam problem but happiness yg mama rasa sekrg means so much to me. thank u papa for entering my world. i love you now and will keep on lovin u till my last breath. until the ocean doesnt touch the sand. terasa teramat kental skrg ni. :) haha

so pejam celik, sekejap je rasa time passes. and how tahun ni byk dah berubah, our rezeki Alhamdullillah bertambah dgn adanya Hazim. compared to last year, we are by far luckier and more happier. saaaaaaaayang hazim and papa.

hazim news? gigi atas dah more visible. wants to eat everything but his food. so i'm giving him more bubur than his nestum. gettin more active that mama mcm nak pengsan everynite lepas dia tidur at nite. i must start disciplining him now that he understands us more, else he'll be an overindulged brat! don't want that. getting louder cos he so wants to speak. thats my angel.

masa hazim lahir, ada kawan papa yg had a baby too. now they're having another, dah 3 months along. gosh. anak memang rezeki but we chose to let hazim grow up first with our fullest attention and love. I want to let my tummy to rest after my c-sect and havin super active ajim, I can't imagine bein pregnant again cos it'll be really extra tiring. well, congrats to them tho. :)

I am reading marian keyes latest book, 'the other side of the strory' and havin a blast but since i can only read when hazim's asleep, am goin kinda slow. :( dyin to read the latest HPotter book tho. wonder when can i get my copy? hmmm.

ciaO

what a colourful world

its been a while

2005-07-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

guess its been awhile since i last wrote here .. like anybody's reading it. :)

well .. so many things have happened since that its kinda overwhelming and i just dunno how to put them in words.

atuk nyang hazim passed away last june. a week before opah nyang's 1st year's demise. i must say that everyone's just in a sombre mood. we're not goin anywhere (hols) nor celebrating much. most events like birthdays and such are celebrated moderately. so was me n papa's birthday last week. I just didnt feel like having fun. happy birthday to papa n myself.

when opah passed away, we still had atuk to cling on .. to be there for us with all that memories n stuff, hazim loved his tok nyang so much. but now, both of them are gone so i just miss them crazy. i miss the company and i'm so damned mad at myself for not cherishing the time i had with them. I was so caught up with myself and growing up. now typically, i regret it. i wonder if ajim still remembers his anyang.

huda's gone too. i mean she left for her studies. not far . just 10 mins from here. the house is kinda lonely and quiet now.

hazim? gosh! he's a handful but a much welcome one. i guess i can still handle him. he's getting smarter by the day. he's more cheeky but my heart just skips a beat as i watch him grow. he can stand now but with something to hang on too. a screamer. crazy bout goin out for a drive even if its just pickin up the kids. he can crawl and gettin faster by day that soon he'll be gettin speedin tickets. :) thats my boy. caught a fever yesterday and givin him his meds is a toughie. gosh! hazim hazim. i love you baby ..

i'll try to write more frequently.

8 months and counting

2005-05-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

my son turned 8 months yesterday .. gosh how he has grown .. he can crawl, turnover, speak a very foreign language, stand halfway and lots more accomplishments that i'm very grateful i get to witness his growth so far .. i love you son .. so much ..

the other day, he was reaching for something he's not suppose to play with. I read somewhere that u can start disciplinin ur kida at the age of six months. so i said no and asked him to come over to me. surprisingly, he understood my tone and the order, as he dropped the thing and came to me smilingly. my son can understand. hopefully growing up to be a good boy. :)

his face has gone tembam again as it fills out day by day .. haritu kecut jap cos measles .. now he looks like his usual self .. alaaa anak mama .. he has his rosy cheeks best .. the ones i love to kiss each day .. i know one day mama will go back to work and won't be around you much during the day but bear in mind, mama will be thinkin of u all the time ..

this month for us will be grandparents goin overseas month .. atuk wan to beijing and tokki opah to germany .. hazim? to KLIA .. bestnya ..

miri became a city today .. teringat dgn kak hani .. i wonder where she is this moment .. she is no longer a phone call away .. :( how sad we have moved on and moved apart .. happy miri becoming a city kak hani ..

when will i get to update hazim's fotopages?

what we are, never changes. who we are never stop changes. *csi last nite*

my laziness will never stop.

reminiscing opah

2005-05-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

this is my first year celebrating mothers day without my opah. she passed away because of breast cancer. next month will be a year she left us for good due to a failed breast removal op. she survived 2 cancers b4 but 20 years later, they found another lump. apparently, she couldn't handle the complications of a surgery and laid in coma for a week as her organs failed one by one. I was 6 months pregnant at that time. aside of reading Quran beside her, my biggest prayer was for her to hang on, live and see my firstborn, her great grand son. It never became.

this was not a typical year. my opah will receive bouquets of flowers from her four children without fail on mothers day. there will be the weekend gatherings and big events such as these will see pulut kuning and rendang (kalau rajin)/ kari daging(kalau tak larat) on the table. the favourite of everybody which no one can compete till today. of course i wish my mom happy mothers day and we celebrate it this year and i love her to bits but this year, my thots go to my opah. i still can't summon the will to go to her grave cos i still feel she's around. i can't imagine how my mom feels this year. i can never imagine not having mak near me .. motherhood made me more closer to her than ever.

as i watch hazim day by day, i wonder what it wud be like if opah was around. i bet she will pamper him crazy and can't get enuff of ajim but still be strict on the pantang n stuff. i can just wonder ..

i made a big decision today to take a big step, one that gives me shivers when i think about it. even if it is just a backup plan for next year, i'm actually petrified if i eventually hafta execute it. God, give me the strength and wisdom, to choose the right path in life. papa n hazim are always gonna be my first priority. that u must remember mama!

presenting mr. spots

2005-05-09T15:42:00.000+08:00

i haven't been writing for quite some time cos gee how my week has been totally chaotic.

upm's famliy day was last last weekend and it was held in PD. Had a marvelous time cos tokki eventually got to show off his one n only grandson to his collegues and staff. had the typical sukaneka where the whole clan managed to grab a present each save mama n ajim. tamak acara betul. later on sunday, the rest of the family headed to umbai for ikan bakar treat but papa thot we better head home cos hazim was getting restless from the heat.

so on tuesday, ajim got the fever. his temperature was quite high. he became clingy and manja. wanted papa to dokong him always but want mama also. kesian sgt. muka pon dah kecut. as if he doesnt have the strength to do anything but do not want to lie down also. he didnt want to eat nor sleep but the medicine soothed him a bit. despite all that, baby ajim still nak sit in his walker at times. still ada hati to play his songs and move about.

saving the best for last, ajim became mr spots on friday. papa refused to admit it at first but saturday saw more spots and it was the measles for sure. so now he is covered by chalomine lotion and smells funny. hehe .. he has regained his strength tho cos the fever passed on thursday. after the spots came out, he became his usual self. mama dah ok sikit seein him active as ever and can now eat and smile. spots pon dah tak visible sgt but skin still not soft yet. on sunday, ajim still hafta stay home when mama n papa pg wedding uncle kirul and auntie rini in seremban. poor baby.

so what i got for my 1st mothers day was a cake and spots. very memorable. we didnt go out cos very not good for ajim but i am so blessed to have this child of mine and feel most grateful for having a chance to experience motherhood. nothing in the world will make me swap places. :)

ps. i'm typin usin mak lang's new pc. the keyboard has jawi letters so maybe i can type in jawi someday. like its possible.

ganu kite

2005-04-27T18:29:00.000+08:00

bein a cucu tganu (my father's the anak tganu), one thing i love about it, is the state's food. the thot of it can make my tummy growl. i can never resist the nasi dagang, kuih akok, lakse and etcetc. since we rarely go back, we hardly get to devour ourselves esp. me with the delicacies. BUT! to my greatest pleasure, a neighbour nearby just moved in and they sell homecooked tganu nasi dagang n nasi lemak every morning. sedapnyaaaa. as i indulge with it each mornin, it just keeps gettin better n better. I can't believe I can now eat nasi dagang tganu asli as they call it everyday . I'm gonna be fatter aren't I? gosh .. and weddings are comin up. but its irresistable. sometimes i think they're much better than the ones in tganu. they've yet to sell kuehs but i'll just settle with the nasi dagang for the time bein .. sedapnya.

last sunday, we went back to shah alam and hazim showed off that he can now move forward. hurray. i know he can eventually pick up his butt and move .. heheh ..

son .. mama n papa will love you until the numbers finish ..

closer

2005-04-18T01:15:00.000+08:00

i managed to find some time to watch a movie never gonna be shown in our cinemas titled closer. played by big guns julia roberts, the oh so famous nowadays jude law, clive owen n natalie portman. it was a tad slow during the first disc but eventually grew interesting enuff for me and the ending made me ponder for a while. the movie did capture some truth regarding relationships and probably from experience, i cud relate to it. hmm .. in other words, the movie was more than ok despite not bein a successful one.

another thing that made me like this film was that it had a theme song that i loved. it was played both beginning n end. i really enjoyed the song tho bein it a slow number. after havin a baby, these kind of songs appeal so much to me .. i caught the vid on mtv and found out its name .. heres the song ..

Artist:
Damien Rice
Album:
O
Title:
The Blowers Daughter

And so it is

Just like you said it would be

Life goes easy on me

Most of the time

And so it is

The shorter story

No love, no glory

No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

And so it is

Just like you said it should be

We'll both forget the breeze

Most of the time

And so it is

The colder water

The blower's daughter

The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?

Did I say that I want to

Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind...My mind...my mind...'Til I find somebody new

the song is playin in my head constantly .. lovin it :)

news on hazim: he has mastered his walker and now i can just let him go .. he can call me mama now and constantly he calls .. :) and the cheekier he is nowadays, the more me n papa enjoyin it. we can switch off the telly and watch his antics the whole day but hazim wud rather watch phdc than us. me n papa went for dinner just the two of us cos hazim was sleeping. he was ok when we came back meaning we can leave him again .. can we?

back for good .. i think

2005-04-17T01:11:00.000+08:00

last thursday, mak ude ajim came back for good. ada extra hand at home. the house seems more merrier. tok nyang also came on friday. hazim as always enjoy the extra company.

his nana came and brought a walker for hazim masa hantar tok nyang. he loves it so much and in a day, he can already move around by moving his legs. now, he sits in his walker (hmm, that doesnt sound right somehow) and watches playhouse disney especially boo! unblinking. he cannot sit still anymore and being in the walker, he can move around more easily. but mama still hafta be near. ajim .. ajim.

i just finished reading huda's blog. its like reading a long sms. shortformed habis. apa laa mak ude.

time to update ajim's fotopages plak.

from me to u

2005-04-08T02:14:00.000+08:00

this one's for you papa.
extra meaningful for the situation we're in now. :)
i'll love you until the ocean doesnt touch the sand.

Some people live for the fortune

Some people live just for the fame

Some people live for the power, yea

Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things defines what's within

And I've been there before, but that life's a bore

So full of the superficial

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you, baby

If I ain't got you, baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

if I ain't got you, yea

Some people search for a fountain

The Promise is forever young

Some people need three dozen roses

And that's the only way you prove you love them

Hand me the world on a silver platter

And what good would it be

With no one to share

With no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you, baby

If I ain't got you, baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

if I ain't got you

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you, baby

If I ain't got you, baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

if I ain't got you, yea

I ain't got you with me, baby

Said nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing

If I ain't got you with me, baby

whats the story? morning glory

2005-04-08T01:58:00.000+08:00

kinda picked up the oasis blues cos i just caught the wonderwall vid on V. I dunt believe that anybody feels the way i do about u now .. :)

so today ain came back sans the yellow car. hazim somehow couldnt get enough of her. we figured that before this he rejected her becos he cudnt stand the car .. hehe .. too overwhelming despit him lovin rides. its ok baby .. sometimes mama pon cant stand mak ngah. but i guess he'll enjoy attention from mak ngah this weekend.

we went to alamanda this evening and had wonderful dinner. no matter what ppl always say but me n papa love foodcourts. hazim however pooed half way so he didnt want to stay in his stroller. actually he never wants to sit in his stroller when the food is on the table. probably wanna share also. wait for a couple of years more ye baby.

thot of goin to meet some friends today but couldnt find the strength to go to KL. :( I am one terrible friend. never make the effort. but eversince having hazim, i hate the idea of leavin home. just gotta learn huh if i'm gonna start workin again.

baby .. a million years from now u'd know .. i'll be lovin u still ..

mama

apo kono eh jang

2005-04-04T20:52:00.000+08:00

last sat, the clan went to kuala pilah to check on huda. heh . actually to send some pizza cos in K Pilah, only homemade pizza is available and since huda doesnt haf a home there, we brought golden ring pizza from the hut. :) end up havin nasi half an hour later pon. huda nak final exam so we went to show some support and lift her spirit with her fav food. pengajaran: jgn belajar jauh2. takde pizza.

so of course, ajim enjoyed the ride n journey. he cried at first upon seein mak ude. but afterwards cudnt stop talkin as so many things to tell .. my son whom i love to bits. my heart skip a beat each time i see him. :)

on another note, friendster seems to be the buzz nowadays and seemingly half the ppl i know have an account save me n papa. so i used aiman's account to look for some friends. most of them mommies already dont seem to have one. not surprised cos havin babies half as active as hazim can be time consuming. cant seem to find my point but i know much about friendster already just to keep track of whats happening around me so i wont be so dungu. i sound so pathethic. :(

its not right but its okay. and we're doing so ok.

nuthin much

2005-03-28T15:26:00.000+08:00

i dunno actually what to write. then why write huh? i dunno .. gee .. guess lately no good news has been comin my way. still waitin for the sun to shine. no job offers, ptptn dah start cari and so much more i just can't bear to recall .. if not for papa n ajim .. i dunno .. no complains there i must say. they're the blue skies in my life.

things are a tad slow at home too. air kena catu, aminah still sakit kaki. ain still in johor, still fearin the hooligans behind our house .. bad news bad news but we're still so much more fortunate. we have a lovely home, we still have each other, we still have food on the table and clothes to wear and more importantly, we have more than enuff love to spread around.

we're still much more luckier. i'd never ask for more.
err maybe a million bucks would help. :)

shian mak teh

2005-03-18T18:19:00.000+08:00

the nite we came back from shah alam, aminah dukung hazim, she terpijak a needle lying on the floor. she thot she suceeded to take it out but the thing apparently is embedded deep. gosh .. this morning only did she feel the pain so mak brought her to x ray and now she is at hospital putrajaya awaiting operation to get the needle out. mak is staying with her at the hospital now. Her first hospital stay.

I'm kinda bummed(again) cos i cant do anything even visit(visits ease pain) cos atuk is here. an adult hasta stay over to look after him. bummer. ain n yam are goin today cos they hafta send mak's stuff. i really wanna go .. guess it hasta be tomorrow.

but anyways .. poor mak teh ajim. she cried tadi. either really painful or scared with the operation.
mak teh, our prayers are for you.

this weekend is the petronas grand prix weekend. for those f1 lovers that include papa, have a fun racing day. I know ajim will try his best to imitate the sound of the cars.

my cheeky boy

2005-03-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

hazim's so cheeky nowadayz. he enjoys to bully every single aunts n uncle of his. the lil body can create such noisy sounds out of him .. gosh. now, he can really scream. at times, he screams from the top of his lungs if he's excited or frustrated, frust bein not able to put things in his mouth. his mak ngah is very noisy so he communicates with mak ngah with screamin, so cheeky. but with mama, as always, his this cute angel. i love u lots ajim!

kinda bummed (a familiar feelin this week) cos a team i favoured lost in today's explorace. can't wait to watch the pilot of lost later.

still waitin for replies from my job applications. pray for me.

and we're back ..

2005-03-17T01:17:00.000+08:00

so we're only back from shah alam and hazim dah turn back into his bising self. goin to shah alam is like a retreat. we enjoy peace n quiet there cos only ada atuk, wan and workaholic paksu tan. so mama really enjoy the tranquility. but the minute sampai balik kajang, we enter balik a chaotic and bising world. theres my four sisters, a teacher(u know how noisy they are), opah, atuk, tok nyang and the tree of us. so memang bising habis. not a moment of peace langsung. ajim dah sort of join the clan. sabo jelah.

i've kinda decided to become job seeking active. i really hafta step into the rat race world. i guess its time already. we really could use the extra money.

ok ajim dah bising nak feed. how he so loves the extra extra attention

i'm sorta back

2005-03-13T19:19:00.000+08:00

i haven't been writing eversince bcos i'm bummed. imagine writing a bunch of stories of hazim and his mischieves, i lost my drafts.

i can't write long this time cos papa is loading our things in the car. we're goin back to shah alam.

so when i get back, i'll upload more pics of ajim and write more of hazim's going ons.

still bummed tho'

KLIA .. here we come ..

2005-02-22T18:39:00.000+08:00

last nite was wan teh's flight back from medina, ajim totally enjoyed the long drive to KLIA then when we arrived, ajim was awed with the lights sadly not the ppl. so I managed to find a secluded area from the crowd n just wait for wan teh n tok teh to arrive.

the kids, as always, sempat beli burger king sementara jemaah sampai. tak kisah pon nak tunggu depan arrival gate macam org lain as they sinked in their burgers. betapa la bezanya zaman sekarang dan dulu. dulu, naik kapal, now flight je. dulu tunggu kat terminal 3 subang now KLIA. dulu, on our feet tunggu depan arrival gate, skrg ada handphone so jemaah call je cakap dah dekat nak keluar dah. thats why badik n haiqal lepak je makan BK knowin their mom n ayah still tgh tunggu baggage. time has made things easier.. has it?

so lepas wan teh keluar, lepas salam2, hazim demand wan teh dukung dia. maybe bcos wan teh still ada bau medina. dia tak nak langsung duduk dalam stroller. went back n had late dinner after.

today, rest for ajim. pics are already uploaded.

hazim's lullabye

2005-02-20T17:48:00.000+08:00

at the moment, this is hazim's favourite lullabye besides the zikr i read for him before he sleeps. this is actually innuendo's song. since i'm no songwriter, i am borrowing their song to lullabye my son. :)
kau tersenyum .. ku terpaku .. cahaya di wajahmu .. hanyalah untukku ..
sinaran matamu .. menusuk kalbuku .. tidak mungkin ku lupakan .. sebegini pengalaman ..
lalu hatiku berkata .. segala untukmu ,,
satu hari nanti .. pasti kau temui .. tabahkanlah hati ,, jangan lupakan Illahi ,,
akan tiba bahagia ,, tak mungkin sendirian .. belum pun sempat rindu .. mama pulang ..
dibuai dalam mimpi tidur sayang ..

sekarang pon ajim dah jaga dari afternoon nap dia . opah n tokki hantar mak ude balik kuala pilah .. the house is a tad quiet so hazim slept for quite sometime .. he's on my lap as i am writing this wondering 'bestnya kalau dapat tap keyboard ni cam mama buat' but i bet it would not be good if he gets the chance.

time for his walk outside.
short note .. i made the breadpudding lately and it turned out pretty good. surprisingly, aiman loved it. :)

2005-02-20T17:20:00.000+08:00

hey

hot saturday

2005-02-19T16:30:00.000+08:00

we woke up early today (is 10 am early?) to have brunch at the new mamak joint nearby. the place serves north indian food which we discovered today was quite hot but yummy. kinda sad cos ain takde. I always feel that way when one of a family member is missing. anyways hazim had a jolly good time cos he woke up, had a bath then we went out. my baby really loves outings.

after the meal, headed to the superbowl where everytime i go, can't help to not think of ed's stuckey bowl, the kids played a game and ajim enjoyed cheering for those who strike. papa suceeded to get 2 strikes. not bad cos i think its years since his last game. eversince we dated, he paused on playing cos i'd rather not. pretty selfish of me but better to do something we love to do together than doing things that only one person enjoys.

terus went home afterwards. ajim pengsan terus bila letak dia atas katil. i let the hindustani movie on so that he can siesta longer. wonder what his dreams will be like.

time for me to make some pudding.

oh, hazim now has his own fotopage. so heres the link. hazimhafiz.fotopages.com
hope i have the time to upload my son's pictures.

back to the usuals

2005-02-14T03:01:00.000+08:00

so the holidays are over. the aunts have gone back to their places and hazim has came home. everything is back to normal at 1658A.

we spent most of the hols doin some pretty cool stuff, new activities for hazim. we had a bbq on wednesday, went to a waterfall on thursday n went back to shah alam that nite. hazim enjoyed skinny dippin in the river. he really had fun cos the water was cool and the weather was very hot. kesian baby mama kena rashes bcos of the heat.

on friday, round tasik shah alam. after five mins on his stroller, hazim dozed off. tolak laa sleeping baby keliling tasik. He enjoys goin for a drive so much prolly cos kereta air-conditioned. saturday, the three of us went to amir n madiha's weddin. apparently, adik amir also kawan fariz, so we bumped with pak su tan at the wedding. i sempat kerling2 girls kat sana, kot2 ada yg eligible for tan. why is it that mommies like to matchmake? hmm .. there was a cute girl that i liked and tan also liked but unfortunately, tan said taken oledi. :(

we came back today just in time b4 ain took off for JB. sempat both aunts gomol hazim b4 goin back. puas laa hati skit. ain will only come back in a months time, masa school hols. katanya. boo hoo. kesian.

b4 goin at for dinner, went to giant to buy hazim's diapers. bought him a drinking cup and soother cos he seems to have started teething. 10 mins dlm strore, he became bored so papa had to carry him. so much for the stroller.

time for me to doze of now.

gosh .. not that smell

2005-02-06T19:00:00.000+08:00

the durian season is in .. AGAIN!!

I hate all things with a strong smell. That includes durian. I do not eat durian, loathe it and have headaches when i can smell it. But .. my son loves it. Urgh .. sad, sad, sad news for me.

I'm really happy that hazim loves fruits. I don't give him much but just a taste and apparently he enjoys his fruits. Good for u boy.

well, the weekend is ending and it has been a quiet n tiring one. Next week, I know will be havoc cos the aunts are coming back. Can't wait ..

Off to lie down n overcome the smell ..

hurray for hazim

2005-02-03T18:30:00.000+08:00

hazim can turn over now. yeay.
this month has been a month of achievements for hazim. I know babies learn and do new stuff but for me its an achievement. seeing him grow day by day, gosh! dah besar dah anak mama.

I have started to wean him too. He eats rice porridge that opah makes for him. Thats how much opah loves him. Not only she cooks for us, for ajim too. I read in books that for a four month old, u should give 5-6 spoons a day but hazim eats about 20 spoonful of rice twice a day? Is that too much for him? He is happy and looking healty. Bertawakal je lah. What to do, his mama n papa eats a lot too.

Today also I found out that a good friend is getting married and another is three months pregnant. How time has passed. Now I'm a mother. A mother. Gosh. Even me myself can't believe it. But I'm lovin it!

setahun setengah dah ...

2005-01-19T21:12:00.000+08:00

after all the hoopla today of mak ngah coming back for the hols, i did some updating of my diary. yes i keep one. actually i'm trying to keep one. I used to keep a diary but having to juggle studies n lovelife then marriage and work, i didn't have time. now i do.

checking the date today and doing some counting, i realized at 7pm that today was my a year and a half anniversary. we've been happily married for 18 months. wow. but obviously not that wow that i didnt realize it earlier. So called papa at work today to ask him out on a date. In our relationship, when u need a date, u ask for it. No need to wait for the guy to ask u out. My kind of date usually is only out for coffee. can hardly wait. i'm bringin hazim along. wanna celebrate together gether. :)

went to my usual rent a book shop to return my books and rent two more. i love to read and must have a book onhand all the time. what else can i do when hazim sleeps?

so in love are we two .. so in love .. in a world of our own ..
happy 18th months anniversary to us ..

lari .. lari .. mak ude balik!!

2005-01-14T13:57:00.000+08:00

today will be the day mak ude ajim balik utk mid term break selama seminggu. as i am writing this entry pon, opah dgn tokki dlm perjalanan nak ambik mak ude kat kuala pilah. abis laa ajim. alamat tak berletak laa cos seminggu cuti mak ude sampai raya haji. utk mama n papa pulak, ada an extra babysitter 4 ajim, boleh pi dating setiap hari .. heheh

weekend ni no plans yet but i'll bet most of it nanti abis dgr mak ude berceloteh. sekrg pulak dia dah berangan angan pi ukraine utk study medic. penatlaa .. paling penat tokki. poket dia penat cos mak ude ckp, no scholarship, tokki must sponsor. penatlaa poket tokki. :)

last nite, kami anak beranak pi makan sate. yummy. papa laa paling suka. mula2 ingat nak pi mkn kfc. try burger baru tu, but kfc semua nak tutup dah. it was about ten yg we all carik dinner. bila sampai kajang town, sate laa what else. too bad sate kajang tu makin lama makin kecil. not like the old days. dulu makan sate dgn fresh air tebu. sekrg kalau air tebu, the cordial one je available. tak best langsung.

ok .. counting the minutes for mak ude to arrive. meriah laa rumah. in the mean time, mama kena pi chase the monkeys at the back yg tgh trash backyard tokki.

tata.

musim haji kini tiba lagi ..

2005-01-13T17:33:00.000+08:00

every year, around bulan zulhijjah ni, kedengaran laa kat corong2 radio lagu nasyid evergreen ni .. terbayang laa kota mecca n madinah, all the important events n what nots. last nite, wan teh n tok teh ajim bertolak laa kat tabung haji kelana jaya. The whole clan went n had a picnic there. macam penting je kena berkelah makan nasik bawah khemah dgn bakal jemaah haji kita. heheh. ajim, excited as always bila jalan2.

the day started yesterday with mama n papa having the usual one hour time together. Normally bila ajim tido n ada opah boleh jaga, we both keluar just to have a drink. so we had bfast yesterday n ajim tinggal ngan opah. dekat rumah je. susah nak tinggalkan ajim cute baby busyuk tu lama2. terbayang bayang nanti muka dia. when we arrived back, ajim dah mandi n tarik muka masam. cute gila. geram mama. mama janji pastu bawak pi alamanda. papa panggil alagappas.

bila papa abis kerja, the three of us pon pergi alamanda. alamanda ni best sgt sbb dekat dgn rumah opah n ada mostly kedai yg best. hazim dapat baju baru n mama beli some hair clips. lepas tea, balik rumah opah. tak sabar bila alamanda nak bukak cinema dia, lagi convenient. tak payah pergi kl dah.

yg paling best tu, show off nya ajim n mama masuk kedai ikhsan. kedai jual sport goods. ada laa display sneakers for baby. ajim dalam stroller angkat kaki dia tinggi2 to show that he has a pair of baby adidas too. ikut siapalaa ajim ni .. :)

pastu pergi kelana jaya ..

another highlite of yesterday is christian n ara dah jumpa balik in sanay wala .. long awaited moment ni .. but mama prefer leo than christian ..

the grand highlite of all is ajim berjaya pusing badan dia to meniarap semlm. kuat dah anak mama. kejap je dah besar ajim cute baby busyuk ni .. sedih laa plak

today plak punya cerita .. takde electric. From noon til 3 something. KL, selangor, melaka, n9 n johor. dah agak dah. mak ngah n mak ude called to say tempat diorg takde electric. havoc laa papa cita kat kl. jammed sbb traffic lights tak fungsi. n tak boleh isi minyak semua. pentingnya laa electric ni. org dulu2 panggil karan or api.

ajim tension coz kepanasan. nasib boleh ikut opah ambik budak skolah so sejuk sikit.
dia dalam aircond pon sejuk.

ok. byk nya mama tulis hari ni. til later. 'nuff said.

mr. cranky pants

2005-01-10T19:04:00.000+08:00

so yesterday, wan teh finally had her kenduri doa selamat utk ke mecca. Since ramai sgt org, hazim teros jadi mr. cranky pants. Bila in a crowd, hazim will either sleep or mengamuk n yesterday evening he chose to mengamuk. seperti biasa, semua org risaulaa bila baby asyik nangis je. actually, all hazim wants is mama to snuggle up dgn dia just the two of us. anak teruna sorang ni ,,

bila kenduri, seronok laa lepak2 dgn sedara mara doin nothing but makan, borak n makan. cuma sedih skit cos mak ngah n mak ude takde .. on the way back, hazim slept the whole journey. sampai mama n papa singgah dunkin donuts pon tak sedar langsung. sedapnya chicken mayo sandwich kat dunkin .. yummy. slack tepi highway outlet tu mahal sikit price dia dari outlet lain.

after semua dah mandi, the three of us cuddled depan tv tgk fwends. dah berapa kali tgk friends rewind ni pon but still boleh gelak. hazim pon leh gelak sama. hehe. hilang semua crankiness siangnya.

pagi ni bangun sengih je .. good mood je .. mama pon senang hati.

speaking of friends .. sedihnya jen and brad pitt dah separated. the golden couple part on good terms. Susahnya bila jadi celebrity ni .. but i pity jen. somehow, when the whole world minat brad pitt, i'm not included. He's not that great. biasa je ..

kesian hazim tinggal sorang2. gotta go.

FIN

p/s mak ude, best tak dapat baca cita pasal ajim ni? tak sabar tunggu mak ude balik jumaat ni laa ..

fun friday

2005-01-07T18:50:00.000+08:00

Hari ni hazim dalam good mood tersgtnya banding semlm .. probably sbb opah byk buat dia jalan n tido dia pon cukup. He woke up at 10 and had breakfast with mama. Then lepak tunggu semua balik sekolah. Opah bawak dia harini pergi ambil pk su n mk teh balik sekolah.
After pk su n tokki pg friday prayers, hazim siesta ngan mama sampai 4.30pm. Lama sgt sampat termiss the gardeners daughter. Opah then bawak hazim beli grg pisang for tea. Seronok hazim bila opah tayang dia to opah's friends including makcik jual grg pisang tu. heheh .. opah kata hazim tergelak gelak bila org2 tu puji dia. cheeky boy.

ptg bila tokki pulang, tokki bawak dia jln pulak tapi tgh jln hazim tido. penat berjalan harini kot.

acara penting harini ialah papa renew road tax kereta.

hujung minggu ni balik kg shah alam .. so no blogging for the weekend.
ahad, kenduri wan teh nak pergi haji. byk activity hazim ni ..

biyee

wednesday came wednesday went

2005-01-06T03:01:00.000+08:00

Hari ni baby ajim byk tido. probably sbb mkn ubat selsema. cuaca panas n kitorg byk duduk dalam aircond je. opah tak bawak ajim ambil mak teh n pak su balik sekolah harini sbb opah kena pergi tiga bank. bayar duit kereta spt biasa. so ajim tinggal ngan mama je n had a long nap.

as usual semua soap opera ditonton bersama n can't wait tunggu esok punya cerita n esoknya n esoknya. taulaa day time soap opera. bila ada character cute je, teros opah namakan ajim nama character tu. sabar jelaa .. so ajim takde special nickname bila ngan opah. wednesday best skit sbb sini ada pasar mlm but no way ajim boleh pergi. tambah plak tgh selsema ni, so stayed home the whole day. Papa pon balik mlm, then lepas tgk csi, teros decide nak stay rumah je.

Today gak ada glimpse csi:ny dalam csi:miami. Tak sabar nak tgk sbb NY mmg favourite city mama. Most of the books that mama read, setting dia in NY. intriguing city that never sleeps.
Lastly, malam smsed mak ngah in jb. Poor mak ngah, dah 4 hari kat sana still tak boleh adapt. Kita semua kat sini doa mak ngah dapat posting sini balik ASAP!!

Last note, ajim haini blajar tarik baju dia sampai nampak pewot. lupa plak mama nak take picture.
FIN

hello me

2005-01-06T02:29:00.000+08:00

assalamu alaikum .. nama saya hazim .. mama saya panggil saya ajim .. aka bulat n debuk. Papa pulak panggil saya miau miau ..
umur saya baru 3 bulan 2 minggu 5 hari. Birthday saya pada 18 september yang lalu. Impossible sangat utk saya tulis blog ni so buat masa ni, mama yg tgh seronok jadi suri rumah tu akan ceritakan apa yg berlaku dalam hidup saya, harapnya hari2 la .. bila tok ki kasi pakai lap top dia n b4 mama start kerja balik.
to mak ngah n mak ude, jgn rindu lebih lebih kat ajim, kalau rindu sgt, balik je sini.
mama n papa .. i love u lots .. muahh